ⓗⓔⓙ ⓐⓖⓐⓘⓝ

ⓞⓤⓣ ⓘⓝ ⓓⓐ ⓢⓣⓡⓔⓔⓣⓩ

nujabes-still talking to you

As fun as it is to say Nujabes. (Nu - Jay - Beez), it's even more fun to listen to.
Tranquil piano trills and triumphs with some rogue shouting muffled words that sound like 'bliss'. Well boys and girls, bliss is what it is so just keep listening, because Nujabes is still talking to you.

Brraap!

Ivor x

Lone - Once in a While (Werk)

Summer of London. The steadiest house beats. The surliest dub. The wary sun creeps up at half 4, (half 4!) and you still have 3 hours to scuttle and shift to tunes like this. Raving to such staccato electron underneath the railroad tracks which by day is stolen car storage garage, the smell was a pungent mix of damp brick, fag smoke and smoke machine smoke, fuming into the arched shadowy chambers.

It has settled upon us and we welcome it with this jazz from Lone.

love up,
Fam xOxOx

¡Ⓒⓐⓡⓐⓜⓑⓐ!

Animation by Vince Collins

Boys Noize | Split Personality

Musicians are confusing. In their never ending quest for creative expression and individuality, they often leave us laymen in a cloud of befuddlement.

I'm not quite sure what's more offensive, a musical act with a confusing moniker, or the casual fan who can't seem to get it right?

I mean, when you hear someone exclaim, "yeah, I like Lynyrd Skynyrd. He's pretty good", it brings a bit of a lemony expression to your face (you old sour puss).

So weather you're still figuring out if Boys Noize is in fact just a single person, in both body and spirit, enjoy some of his tunes:



Is the pervert really saying "fuck a titty" over and over again? Probably not.

Ghostpoet - Cash and Carry Me Home Official Video

Land of Kings//Dalston//Ghostpoet//top notchhhh

Throwback Thursday | The Dramatics

Long hiatus, but we're back with another edition of Throwback Thursday. So kick back, relax, and enjoy the stellar sounds of this classic Mo-Town group, the Dramatics.

My personal favourite, and an all time great, "What You See is What You Get"



And to unwind..."In the Rain"

Musique | Daft Punk

Not much to say about these guys that hasn't already been said. Always fun to dig up B-Sides and "rare" tracks, however (can you call anything by Daft Punk rare anymore?).

Anyways, a cool little jam to start your week with.

One

Things have been hectic, and we've been on a bit of a hiatus. Apologies.

We've been pumping the blogosphere full of electronic music, a bit of soul, and god knows what else.

But what's a good music blog without a little bit of Ghostface? Truly at his best when he's making no sense:

Throwback Thursday | Numero Group

Fuck Blue Valentine for ruining this classic gem.

Ⓓⓘⓢⓒⓞⓓⓔⓘⓝⓔ ♫

Ⓓⓘⓢⓒⓞⓓⓔⓘⓝⓔ – Singular (feat. Matias Aguayo)

writewritewritewrite (TO BE READ IN ONE BREATH)

Do you ever feel like you should write but you can't so you just start writing something and hope that if you type fast enough, never stopping to think what it is you are actually typing that miraculously you will churn out some brilliant stuff because the process is a free, uninhibited flow of consciousness that will reveal your true thoughts and desires...Something profound is sure to emerge as a result of your fingers chattering away to the keys about the need to write like all ten extremities had just shared key bumps of charlie. Well, If this post is any indication of how effective and inspirational speed writing is, we can conclude that the process simply leads to one sounding as if they really had just done a big bag of charlie and are now desperate to communicate something to someone so they got on their precious blog and just started writing.

Ⓣⓔⓐⓜⓢ

Jog On

This is via 24kDoug.

He tells me black metal is awesome. 

But apparently these two guys are a bunch of Herberts.

Enjoi.

Edward

c

Throwback Thursday | The Marvelettes

Odds are you've probably heard of the Supreme's and Martha and the Vandellas.  However, most of you probably haven't heard of the 4 ladies that made the success of the aforementioned groups possible.

While the last two installments of Throwback Thursday have revolved around a late 70's sound with more groovable bass lines, rythm, and synths, today I'm reaching for something about more soulful and gritty. 

The recording's aren't as crisp. 

The sound isn't really fit for the dance floor. 

But if you aren't digging on the soulful lyrics and catchy melodies of these soul pioneers, you're in the wrong line of work.

Meet the Marvelettes, the best soul group you've probably never heard of:

________________________________________________

"Mr. Postman"

________________________________________________
"Darling Forever"

________________________________________________

"Playboy"

________________________________________________

"Beechwood 4-5789"

________________________________________________

#winning

There’s a long standing idea in the Western world that anyone who lends their name to the spotlight is open, in fact, deserving of any which kind of critisicm that comes their way. There may be a war on multiple international fronts, but our supermarket check stands and queues are littered with celebrity gossip.

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’ll surely have gotten wind of Charlie Sheen’s recent meltdown. I’m not going to carry on into too much detail on the actual on goings, but what’s more than obvious is that the man is clearly deranged, and mentally unstable.

Looking at the recent hoopla of Charlie Sheen’s latest brush with psychosis is in many ways both sad, and a reflection of the state of today.

I’m not sure if many of you remember, but while Twitter was single handedly brining democracy to #Egypt, Calvin Klein decided to take advantage of the social media buzz to peddle underwear.

Social Media is a fickle animal, with trends emerging and dying quicker than it takes to respond in 140 characters or less.

I rarely listen to the radio, but about a week ago, I decided to tune into my personal favorite, a man whose goatee is almost as bad as his jokes, Jim Rome. During commercial I switched to the other sports station, only to find the nasaly host playing clips off a Charlie Sheen soundboard, while his sidekick got in a few cheap chuckles.

Scour social media sites, and you’ll be inundated with a constant barrage of “#winning” updates and wise cracks about Sheen that made the pedestrian Chuck Norris jokes look like a reincarnation of George Carlin.

How many of your braindead friend’s decided to tell the world that they were, “on a drug called Charlie Sheen”?

Now you may think I have some sort of sympathy for Mr. Sheen. Not the case at all. I just found the whole thing to be far from funny. I mean, in this day and age, are any of you really shocked by a drunk celebrity spewing utter nonsense into a camera or microphone?

That shit was old when Mel Gibson was doing it.

Mickey Gang | ganG yekciM

Q Magazine has rated these lads the hottest thing to come out of Brazil. I'm sure Adriana Lima might have some issues with that, but hey, Mickey Gang isn't half bad. Seems indie. Seems unheard of. Do we get cool guy points for this? Who knows. Anyway, this is what we're up to on Tuesday's.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm not sure this is scientific, but these lads might be onto something:



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Wishful thinking?

Ritchie is the Spice of Life

Few artists can be pigeon holed as easily as our most Jamaican of friends, Richie Spice. The vast majority of his work speaks almost exclusively to the superficial politics of the stoner class; and for this I salute him.

This song, aptly titled 'Marijuana', is an ode to the leaf, the buddah, the herbaceous hedonist, the highest grade. There’s no subtlety, no beating around the bush. No, the bush is undeniably the primary focus of his attention.

Too often, I feel, the specialist is palmed off as limited. However, nothing could be further from the truth. Ritchie is an aficionado, an expert, a connoisseur toker with a voice so angelic as to bring tears to even the most bloodshot of eyes.

Ritchie Spice, born Ritchell Bonner, is, as I’m sure hardly needs stating, a member of the Rastafarian movement. He wears his narcotic and Reggae influences on his sleeve. Alas the illegal status of his chosen form of intoxication, as ordained by the woefully inconsistent British legal system, renders him a threat to the status quo.

Consider a wine review in the Guardian weekend supplement. Here the individuals praising the qualities of these potent liquids in various tasting notes are venerated as palatable members of a thriving cultural community. And yet Ritchie and many other, admittedly lesser, virtuosos in his field of expertise are too regularly dismissed as mindless, addled prophets of a heinous, degenerate underworld. The injustice is almost too much to bear.

So let this blog be a portal for this underappreciated champion of the sensi. It’s a bit retro, I suppose (this particular tune was released in 2004), but that’s in these days, right? Anyway, relax (preferably as Ritchie would advocate), enjoy and appreciate this budding veteran of dread. I’ll end this with what seems almost obligatory: Jah Bless!





Note: This post was authored by our mate Alfie Hatt, who should at some point become a regular contributer. Cheers.

LCD Soundsystem | I Can Not Figure You Out

LCD Soundsystem is a challenging enigma for me to crack. People have tried to put it into some sort of box. An ever ending quest to define what they are. What they play. I'm just not certain.

There are certain bands that have an extreme sense of consistency in their sound. They have stand out tracks, and lot's of other's that make up a steady collection that line up with their sound.

Sure LCD has the distinct voice of James Murphy. Some sort of analog synth, dance punk, electro sound that you could call their own.

There are certain songs that come from this project that I could listen to on repeat for hours. Then I hear other things, and I feel obliged to skip it. I think that's always been the appeal of LCD to me; they can make your jaw drop and just as quickly bring you let you down.

Anyway, here are two of my favourite tunes by LCD Soundsystem...



And this is off their latest album. Ironically, it's probably the catchiest tune, and if shortened, probably could be a hit:

Throwback Thursday | On a Cloud

If you aren't grooving to this, your favourite condiment is probably mayonnaise.

▲OMG✞WTF

Man with a knife (part 2)

The marriage collection is silly and innocuous, or so it seems. A friend said they reminded her of Punch and Judy dolls and she’s right; he is playing puppeteer. But just as the mask collection carries poignant duality, these marriage frames are also hardly one dimensional.

Stezaker’s patience and precision first to find the two faces and then to seamlessly align lips, eyebrows, chins, hairlines is noteworthy. He has said that before he cuts into the portraits he feels like a surgeon. What a deft simile it is. Both use scalpels. Both alter. But while a surgeon aims at leaving no traces of incision, the scar is vital to the artist. It’s a sinister jarring and awkwardness which gives these their eerie shots such appeal.

Whether or not you find his work as intriguing as I do, don’t tell me you didn’t look twice.

Man with a knife (part 1)

I get his name muddled with French prez Sarkozy, but rather than marrying (ex) supermodels, John Stezaker prefers to slice and carve up their glamour shots and then transplant landscape postcards to represent their brains, eyes, and lungs.

He operates in various ways. His work is founded on the acute juxtaposition of man and woman, human and nature, place and nothingness.




The old mask collection is disturbing gruesome at first glance. It appears like the people posing for the camera have been shot in the face at point blank by Javier Bardem from No Country for Old Men. Yet the gaping holes where one expects to see brain matter and remnants of skull instead reveal cascading waterfalls from a fantasy lands, cool dark caves, and archaic bridges from the French countryside. Here, Stezaker’s ability to jolt emotion from horror to beauty is awesome.









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ⓦⓐⓝⓚⓔⓡ

Weekend Tunes | Punks Jump Up

Here's a bit of original stuff by Punks Jump Up. I guess you can classify it as dance punk, or something. But what's the sense of putting things into a box?


I'm pretty sure these guys might be better known for their remixes. Who knows. Give it a whirl and let us know what you think.

The first bit is some remix of some fucked up guy from some fucked up Nordic country. His name is Kent. The original version of this song is stupid, and really it's a waste of bandwidth to post it. Here's what PJU had to say about it:


Miike Snow puts out some pretty proper tunes. And then there's a lot of b-rate remixes that have come out. Here's one that doesn't suck:

Mornin'

Throwback Thursday | Big Willie Style

New installment of posts. Retro, funky, soulful tracks. Stay tuned.

♫

Austra The Beat & The Pulse from The Glitoris on Vimeo.

Cut Copy | Zonoscope

A little late on "breaking" this one, but hey, better late than never, right?

The Aussie electropop group are back at it again with their newest release "Zonoscope". Great mix of melodic elements and some real catchy tunes (if you want a full description of their sound, go ask Pandora to do it for your).

Here's some of the tracks that I've been digging as of late:



How you like the Fleetwood Mac bass line?



That's it for now. I suggest you go check out this album. And if you haven't take a listen to their old stuff. Rare for these guys to put out a bad track.

Cheers.

Weekend Tunes | Digitalism

If you follow electronic music and you haven't heard of Digitalism you must be living under a rock. The German's have a long tradition of bringing out some of the best in Electronic music. Kraftwerk inspired producers around the world, and even made it's mark on Hip Hop. Today we see quite the stable of talented electro producers coming from the Fatherland. Few are better than Digitalism.

To be honest, some of the "hardest" electro tracks come out of your speakers sounding like utter noise. Digitalism manages to mix a fine blend of grit without losing the melodic elements which make their music so appealing to me. In a cluttered landscape of music, and do it yourself producers, it's refreshing to hear a group with a very unique and likable sound.

Here are two of their classic, and probably best known tracks they've released:





And after keeping us waiting for what seemed like forever, the two boys from Hamburg are finally back on the scene. Here is some of the latest stuff they've released:






Good stuff, and a proper way to get your weekend kicked off.

Anyone in the SF Area, be sure to check out The Twelves this Saturday @Mezzanine.

Thieves Like Us | Never Known Love

I wrote something sweet and intimate but I'm just too shy to share it.
Fortunately for you, Thieves Like Us are more than happy to share their sweet and intimate melodies which effortlessly stack sticky synth, upon rich guitar loops, upon the densest of baselines. They then ice it with harmonious musings of love, loss, drugs and feelings to create one truly decadent layer cake which gives anyone with any taste a real sweet tooth.

Don't even get me started on the music videos: clips from obscure foreign films made in the 1970s and 80s perfectly spliced and scratched so they sync with the beat. The videos have men with dodgy haircuts flying down staircases on motorcycles, teenagers engaging in foreplay, and drug induced suicidal tendencies.

I'm not sure what movie this is taken from but who doesn't enjoy watching a fine young woman hold up rings of fire while lions jump through them? Then a skeleton soon joins the fun- he must signify death....but he's holding a rose which definitely signifies love.

I think the contradiction and irony is insanely deep and poetic and I would try to explain my interpretation further but until you listen to more Thieves Like Us I really don't think you'll understand.

(A prize for whoever can inform me what film this clip is taken from )

Fred Falke: The Remix

We've seen the rise and fall of the mash-up, but for years, the remix has been a tried and tested medium, especially in the world of dance music. One of my favorite artists is a french bloke by the name of Fred Falke (although he does sound rather German). Some of his stuff is a bit off, but overall the guy pretty much turns anything he touches into audio gold.

Here's his brilliant take on the Whitest Boy Alive and their indie track "Golden Cage" (they're actually worth a listen themselves).



And here he takes Blackpool's finest export, Little Boots (who seems to be quite a big slag in her own right) and turns it into something a bit more upbeat.



*EDIT* Had to add this track. At first it struck me as a bit of a fruity house track, but I think I've come around to this one. U2 is kind of lame, but I can't argue with this one:

Pride and Prejudice: WWF

Ask people to give their thoughts on racial jokes and stereotypes, and you’re bound to get an abundance of answers. I tend to find the whole issue rather polarizing.

On one hand you have those that are so uptight, that even the slightest jab at a perceived racial or cultural stereotype will make them cringe in discomfort.

On the other hand, you have those that can find humor and maybe even a cheeky laugh in some of the absurdities of modern stereotypes. Perhaps they adhere to the view of Comedian Russel Peters, who rather adequately sums it up when he says, “I don’t make the stereotypes. I just see them”. 

As someone who keeps a stable of diverse friends (no I’m not using the word stable to imply that some of them are fit for a barn), the ability to laugh at our collective differences together, is somewhat of a beautiful thing. 

I think the progress we have made as society is remarkable. And to emphasize that very point, I’m going to bring all of you a variety of things from my youth that would make the sensitivity police scream foul. 

As many of you who grew up in the 90’s can attest to, WWF was the coolest shit on television at the time. For comparisons sake, I tried to look at the new generation of WWF (I guess it’s called WWE now), and I simply wasn’t thrilled. Here are two awesome clips featuring Razor Ramon (probably the only wrestler with chest hair), and the Million Dollar Man, Ted DiBiase. 

Sexism? Check.
Stereotyping Latinos everywhere? Check.

Would this fly today? I doubt it.

Is it offensive? Probably.

Is it entirely hilarious? You better believe it.

Here's some more blatant (yet somewhat hilarious) racism thanks to our friends at WWF:

Cheaper by the Dozen: The Twelves

There's something inherently cool about Brazil. The football. The women. The culture. Somehow even a film like City of God does little to damper the appeal and image of this country.

Diplo may have flashed his international hood pass, gone to Brazil, and brought back the phenomenon that was Baile Funk, but it's not the only Brazilian export that's making our heads nod.


I already spoke of my discovery of the Twelves, but it seems they just can't stop coming out with ridiculously danceable remixes and original material. In an era of music where it seems everyone is doing the same thing, it's refreshing to hear a group with a unique sound that's also chock full of quality. Here's the latest from this Rio based outfit:



As I eluded to earlier, these guys have a knack for turning out ridiculous remixes of things you should never find yourself dancing to. When's the last time you thought of playing Radiohead at a dance party?



If you want to hear these guys in action, check out their set for BBC's Essential Mix, or one of my favorites, 30 minutes of Twelves.

Don't call this woman. Listen to her music.

Our taste in music may not match yours, but don't stress this minor deet. In fact, be grateful, because we’re about to shovel heaps of obscure, zany artists and deejays down your modem so that when you’re lost and lonely at the party and the iPod is free, you can take over and raise hairs with new trax that none of the chaps or lassies know about. 

Birds might shriek and cry a bit because they wanted "Sex on Fire" or "California Girls", and bros will say your shit is ghey and Euro, but just stick with your guns and trust us Fine Young Casuals to take you up a notch.

Even if the entire party breaks out in uproar over your weird, indie tunes, we say that any attention is good attention so just bob your head a bit and get into your own wee groove. Chances are there is some fit emo chick creeping in the corner rolling cigs who has noticed your alternative persuasion and will invite you for a smoke outside so that you can talk about Camus, alt music (we can be your bluffer's guide), and eventually hook.

That’s what music is all about anyway really, getting some ____ .

Music from FIFA

Not only is FIFA the most brilliant video game ever created, it also boasts some of the best sound tracks year after year. Sure some of the songs can be downright terrible, but it's not even close to the stupidity that they've jammed into the Madden series.

Here are a few of my favorites for this installment of Music from FIFA..


I don't really know much about this group, but I like everything I've heard. Laid back, and definitely worth a listen.

Tribalistas - "Je Sei Namorar" (FIFA 2005):


Before Apple used this killer track to huck iPods and white ear buds, FIFA put me onto this track.

The Ceasars - "Jerk It Out" (FIFA 2004):


One of my favorite groups (the Twelves that is) at the moment, got smart to them thanks to FIFA.

The Black Kids - "Boyfriend (The Twelves Remix)" (FIFA 2009):

Everybody's Doing It

Everybody's doing it so why shouldn't we- even if this is our second attempt at creating a blog which has no specific theme, concept or structure. I propose that you as readers (we currently lack readership but we're bound to get some groupies one of these days) submit topics on whatever troubles you about the way society is heading or dilemmas you are facing and F.Y.C will be thrilled to give you our 2 cents. It could work like this:

[Groupie #1]: "I've recently been fired from my corporate job because I wasn't enthusiastic enough about flipcharts, didn't integrate well in an office that rations biscuits and got in a fight with the vice president of UBS. What do I do with my life, guys?!?! xoxo"

We will lap this shit up like it’s a spilt 4LOKO and contemplate it with the utmost sincerity so we can ensure a succinct and thoughtful response.

[F.Y.C.]: "Groupie #1, you probably weren't cut out for a 9-5 in which conversation about London's weather with Charlotte in admin was the high point of your day because she always wore tight blouses and flicked her hair a lot. We advise you to pick up blogging and djaying the odd Wednesday at a hipster dive."

How's that for some sound advice ey? We can be your online agony aunties who like taking the piss but also properly ponder over even your most trivial concerns and queries. i.e:

[AspiringWriterDude23] “ I’m considering starting a blog to propel my writing, should I?”

We would probably advise against this as it really eats into valuable time you could be watching Jersey shore or poncing around on your electric key board pretending you're Justice or Alicia Keys.

We will also reward regular visitors to our site with great music and our insight into new media advertising so there really is no reason why you shouldn’t join our Fine Young Casual’s firm. INNIT BRUV.

X

PS. If you're working in an office like groupie #1 was, take heed of this:

Weekend Tunes | Classixx

This might be the best group you've never heard of. If you like electro, disco, pool party music, whatever the hell you genre happy people like calling stuff, you're going to dig on Classixx. If you don't, you'll still probably like it. It's a nice break from alot of the heavy electro stuff that was coming out in recent years. Why am I even explaining stuff, here's some must hear tunes from these guys. Form your own opinion.

Verizon and the iPhone

So AT&T is finally going to lose it's stranglehold on the much coveted iPhone; a device that by all accounts is probably going to cure world hunger some day.

Unless you've been living under a rock, you'll know that Verizon will soon be getting Apple's prized device.

For what seems to be such a monumental occasion, especially for Verizon, the first installment seems rather underwhelming (I'm going to go out on a whim and say it's probably going to get significantly more intense as we approach the launch day).

Here's the commercial they've decided to run to kick start the campaign:



I actually am somewhat of a fan of all of this. Mostly because Verizon announced that it was going give existing customers the option to get the device a full week before everyone else. All this is shocking to me, because most providers are out to get you to sign on the dotted line, forget about you, and secure more customers. Growth at all costs.

But before I go on praising the whole thing too much, I'd also be doing whatever I could to keep people hyped and happy on getting a phone that's about a year old now too.

Let's see how they handle the situation when all their users sign up for the iPhone 4, with the 5th gen set to come out in June.

I'm happy with my Motorola RAZR. T-9 and sexting made simple.

Are the creatives getting uncreative?

They say that imitation is the greatest form of flattery. This could be true. While those who are uninformed may call sampling in the context of music “unoriginal”, how does it shape up in the world of advertising? Is the fact that I’m writing about two of these seemingly unoriginal ideas not proof that their very purpose might actually be achieved?

Dos X “The Most Interesting Man in the World”

I won’t lie; Dos X has done a great job crafting a spokesperson that leaves us all wondering, who is this man, and most importantly, what is his name? The Most Interesting Man in the World is a great personification of the brand, and I’m sure countless consumers feel a notch above the hopeless hacks drinking watered down domestics. I personally just like saying, ”Dos X”, out loud. 

But beyond the slick presentation, the elegant women, and the suave nature of The Most Interesting Man in the World, we’re left with a sophisticated version of the much overplayed Chuck Norris joke series.

Take this tidbit of original copy: “He would show you his feminine side…if he had one”.

Out of context, and with no previous exposure to the Dos X ads, you would be fooled into thinking this is clearly a Chuck Norris reference.

 

T-Mobile “iPhone vs MyTouch”
I hate Apple. I don’t know why, I just do. Yet I am constantly applauding their product design, functionality, and most importantly their branding and advertising. They’re brilliant, and I’m probably just jealous. Then again, I hated Michael Jordan when he was a player, and now I’m considering having kids just so I can tell them about my time watching the greatest basketball player of all time.

Launching their 4G network and MyTouch device, T-Mobile is running a play on the popular “I’m a Mac” adverts. To me, at least Microsoft, who was directly challenged by Apple, came back with some decently creative work. But then again, it’s hard to mess things up when you hand Crispin Porter  + Bogusky $300million.

I understand the concept of playing off a widely successful Apple ad campaign. You see that’s why Apple is rather brilliant. Simple concept, simple set up. And everyone knows exactly which ads I’m talking about.

I understand that bagging on AT&T’s much maligned service is beyond easy.

Does all this give you license to (uncreatively) steal someone else’s work?

I mean, not only have they stolen the premise and concept of the ads, it seems like the script copy follows the same lines as well.  Part of me has to believe that the whole thing had to be some kind of ironic parody. But aren’t parodies supposed to contain some element of quality? Judgin by the “Scary Movie” franchise reaching four releases, maybe I’m underestimating the American public’s craving for utter bollocks.

And what’s up with the knock off Catherine Zeta-Jones in the ads?

Love in the Digital Age

Humanity has come a long way. From the invention of the wheel, fire, and gunpowder, we have progressed to a point where you can buy anything from toothpaste to automobiles on the internet. If you are interested in learning how to skin a moose, there are plenty of videos on YouTube. This has me wondering why people are so taken back by the fact that you can find your life partner on the internet?

I don't think the act of finding someone online is what is actually frowned upon. The issue cuts much deeper. In fact, I would venture that the root of the problem begins with the Achilles heel of our society, small talk. We can't get away from it. Much like compromise, small talk is a situation in which no one really wins. Neither side wants any piece of the conversation, yet both sides are more engaged than they would in any organic conversation. There are certain conventions and customs that must not be broken.

Just for a moment imagine you've met someone online. Really, no one has to know this right? I mean, you're together, in person, not on the internet. Most importantly, you are happy. And you should be, you were compatible on 37 out 40 dimensions.
You now find yourself at a couples dinner party. You didn't want to go, but your friend insists. "Bring the new girlfriend", he says. "Oh, and you've really got to meet Ted and Sarah".

You should of guessed the night was off to a bad start right from the beginning. You ring the door bell and someone you presume to be Ted opens the door. Instantly you are put off by his grin and lack of footwear. Why the fuck is Ted barefoot at a dinner party? Now you are asked to take off your shoes. You wouldn't want to upset the feng shui of the apartment.

You're seated at a table that you can only assume with 97% certain was purchased at IKEA. The wine, Trader Joes. The roast looks like it was made by someone who watches Top Chef. No one that knows how to cook watches Top Chef.

You remember why you hate meeting new people.

"What did you study in school?"

"Do you enjoy what you do?"

"Have you seen the documentary about micro-loans in South East Asia?...Quite an industrious people they are... Yes, it's on PBS"

Nothing like bottled questions to liven up an evening. All smiles, no substance.

You smile and nod politely. In turn they inform you that everything you have told them was interesting.

"Really? Were you that intrigued by the fact I studied History in college?"

Truthfully, you would both much rather like to express that you spent 4 days a week inebriated, finding new ways to make Ramen. But this is small talk.

Small talk is a lot like Fight Club. And just like Fight Club, there are rules to small talk. Sadly, the first rule of small talk is not the same as the first rule of Fight Club. Small talk is very real. And you must remember the first rule, you can never tell the truth. Especially the whole truth.

And then it happens.

"So where did you meet?" inquires one of the guests.

It's out of your control. You are taken back. The jig is up. You get that familiar feeling you had as a child. The kind of feeling you get after your parents catch you lying.

You reply, "what do you mean?"

You know what's happening. But you don't want to upset the false sense of enjoyment that has been meticulously built through an hour of pointless banter and opining about the state of our nation's health care system.

"Come on, where did you guys meet?" adds another.

And here in lies the dilemma facing every eHarmony user on the planet. You're happy. Until the moment you are forced to unveil the shocking truth.

It's one of those moments you have prepared for all day. You know it was coming. You have some bullshit story about the dog park. Maybe the local Starbucks. Something.

You've recited it in your head. You are ready. You'd done the fire drill hundreds of times. But nothing compares to the real thing. The smoke, the heat.

Panic. The alarm was buzzing. You can't see more than 3 feet in front of you. You have to think fast. Social conventions depended on it.

And yet, all you mumble is, "online".

Better luck next time, stumble bum.

You broke the rules. You were honest during small talk.

Too honest.

Welcome.

This whole thing has been a long standing side project. I'm not quite sure how it will turn out, but hopefully I can make it work this time. We don't have a mission. The blog is about whatever comes to mind at the time. It might be short stories, it might be our insights into every day life. Whatever it turns out to be, we hope it's entertaining.

There isn't much further insight I can give you into the name, or anything else for that matter. It's a work in progress, and we're setting out to build it slowly but steadily.

So sit back, and enjoy the ride.